Good Manners

Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.

Good manners are the blossom of good sense and good feeling. If the law of kindness be written in the heart, it will lead to hat disinterestedness in both great and little things- that desire to oblige, and that attention to the gratification of others, which are the foundation of good manners. Whatever expands the affections, or enlarges the sphere of our sympathies-whatever makes us feel our relation to  the universe and all that it inherits in time and in eternity, and to  the great and beneficent cause of all, must unquestionably refine our nature and elevate us in the scale of being. Manners are like the cipher or zero in arithmetic; they may not be much in themselves, but they are capable of adding a great deal to the value of everything else.

Manners are the ornament of action and there is a way of speaking a kind word, or doing a kind thing, which greatly enhances its value. What seems to be done with a grudge, or as an act of condescension, is scarcely accepted as a favour. Manners are of more important than laws. The law touches us but here and there, and now and then. Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible operation, like that of the air we breathe in .Manners is everything with some people, and something with everybody.

One day when famine had brought great misery in Russia, a beggar, weak, all but starved to death, asked for alms. Tolstoy searched his pockets for a coin but discovered that he was without as much as a copper piece. 

Taking the beggar’s worn hand between his own, he said “Do not be angry with me my brother, I have nothing with me”. The thin lined face of the beggar became illumined as from some inner light, and he whispered in reply: “But you called me brother—that was a great gift”.

Good manners are the small coin of virtue.

Sr(Dr)Lilly Thokkanattu SJL

Know Thy Self, Never Imitate-4

Nicholas Roerich, the renowned artist, happened to live in Himalayas for a long time. If we see his paintings, they will give us quite a different perspective of the same mountains of Himalayas. We will see them with the eyes of Roerich. He came to Himalayas from Russia at a time when there were no proper roads in Himalayas. Once he saw Himalayas he made them his lifelong home. He never left Himalayas again. If we have been in the Himalayas for some time, and I don’t think we look at those mountains much. We might have seen them for a little while the first few days we arrived and we will be finished with them. They are nothing more than the mountains. But Nicholas Roerich spent his life time watching and painting the same Himalayas. The eternal and inexhaustible beauty of these mountains continued to enchant him till his last day, he never felt sated. His thirst, passion and love for Himalayas remained undiminished. 

He looked at Himalayas from hundreds of angles – during the day and the night, morning, noon and in evening, summer, winter, rains and autumn, sun, moon and stars- and in all their myriad colours and moods. So these same mountains will look very different if we see them through the eyes of Roerich. They will tell us a different story if we get acquainted with the works of this man. I don’t say that we should look at Himalayas the way he saw it. It is impossible for us to see them as this great painter did. But for sure, after seeing his works our perspective will be better and deeper. We will know these mountains better. 

Many people among us have loved, but the love of Laila & Manju was extraordinary, it was as great as Himalayas. It is better to read their story, to be acquainted about their life. Most of our love is utterly poor and fleeting. It begins and extinguishes almost simultaneously. And once gone it is becoming even to recall if it ever happened. But there are few among us who continue to love and love so passionately till the last breath. Their love is immense and immeasurable. And it will do us good to know about them. It will help us understand our love and we become aware of our hidden sources of our own love. I am not asking us to imitate Laila and Manju. It is impossible task. But it is possible that the life of Laila and Manju may kindle the lamp of love of our own life. 

Krishna, it is useful to know what a man of such clarity and enlightenment has to say about man and his mind and the ways of fulfilment. This knowledge, he brings us can touch some inner chord of our being and set us on a voyage of exploration. And there is only one worthwhile quest in life, and that is to know ‘Who am I?’ Then we will not turn into imitating anyone but a traveller on the path to become our self. More about Krishna and his life next week!

Wishing you good health & happiness,

Dr. Dwarakanath, Director, Mitran foundation- the stress management people 

I Will Buy It

One small incident during my visit to Japan in the year 1988 still occupies my mind. At that time, I was posted as the Managing Director of the UP Export Corporation and had gone to Japan to participate in an exhibition at Kobe. My commercial manager was accompanying me and we had displayed a large number of handloom and handicraft items from Uttar Pradesh. They included some silk scarves from Varanasi. The exhibition was organised by the Trade Development Authority of India, which had provided us the necessary infrastructure including an interpreter. 

Our interpreter was a young Japanese girl aged about 14. She was cute and well-mannered. We found her services very satisfactory. During the course of the exhibition, we noticed that her attention was repeatedly diverted to a silk scarf displayed there. It was obvious that she liked it and perhaps wanted to possess it. One day, when I asked her whether she liked it, she answered in the affirmative and also added that she would like to buy the same after the exhibition was over. Hearing that, I offered it as a gift from our side. I was surprised with her response to this offer. She firmly said that since she was earning her wages, in no case would she accept it as a gift. Moreover, it was against the tradition of her country. For us, it was a pleasant experience. We wondered at the sense of pride, at such a young age, for one’s own as well as for the country’s dignity. While we deeply appreciated her stand, it was equally wrong on our part to accept money for a sample, which was not meant for sale. But she would not agree with our plea and kept insisting on no amount of payment. 

The matter went on like this till the last day of the exhibition. When it came to winding up the display, I offered her the scarf as a gift and gave the plea that it was against the tradition of our country too to sell something which was not meant for sale. We also pleaded that it would give us immense pleasure if she accepted it as a gift. She was convinced with our plea and very reluctantly, as well as gratefully, accepted the same. 

Quite often, I recall the gesture of that young girl. We were left with no doubt that great nations are due to great people and unless they display character in thoughts, words and actions, no amount of economic growth can make a nation great. 

Rakesh Mittal I A S

Dream

I came to the United States from India in August to take care of some family and business commitments. I had planned to meet friends and acquaintances. As it is a strong internal sense made me get into a long seclusion that involved reading and meditation after taking care of essential demands. I started on three books: Dictionary of the History of Ideas (Studies of Pivotal Ideas) on the topic of Socialism, The Origin of the Jesuits by James Brodrick, and Parting the Waters (America in the King Years, 1954-1963, by Taylor Branch). I read these books intermittently and reflect on what I read depending on my inclinations at the time.

Democratic Socialism, where essential human freedom is preserved at the same time everyone’s basic needs are met, is certainly the clear way for humankind. It has not happened so far. Is it then a mere utopian idea?  It can only happen when the deeply entrenched individual selfishness is shaken up, tamed, and managed for enlightened self-interest as well as the welfare of the entire humanity. Human has to come to a holistic realization that one’s self-interest itself depends on common good, that is, the entire well-being of humanity. This awareness needs to be an essential part of any informal and formal educational program. It has to necessarily get into the formation of everyone’s conscience. There is nothing sacrosanct about private property that governs nearly all laws and transactions. All resources are given for all humans to reach humanity’s destiny. Authoritarian communism has failed; unbridled capitalism has failed. We need to try Enlightened Democratic Socialism that strives for consensus or near viable and practical consensus (about 67% ?) with regard to major national and global decisions.

  

The very early Jesuits (11 of them) in early 1600’s were well-educated, and came from well-to-do families. Taking a vow of poverty, they gave up everything for their cause. They carried their ministry while begging for their food and shelter. They shared with the poor what they got from their begging. Interestingly two of them with Master of Arts degrees from the University of Paris landed up in Ferrara, a university city in Italy. They got accommodation in the poorest hospice in the city where a very suspicious, spying, shrewish matron inspected them stark naked before they were given miserable beds. The Jesuit pair was finally rescued from their indignity and semi-starvation by a lady friend of Michael Angelo, who became interested in them after seeing them at their daily devotions. If there ever was a commune, this was it. I must say I was privileged to belong to a much modified version of this Jesuit commune and community life in the modern era for 25 years.

The well-documented, detailed life of Martin Luther King, Jr., during the height of civil rights movement and major changes in the desegregated, racist America during the ten years (1954-1963) is fascinating. It has many parallelisms with the caste-infected India. I want to cite one interesting incident. In 1953 when King got married, resorts, motels, and hotels were prohibited by law to serve blacks, and the closest thing to a public accommodation he got on his wedding night was a funeral parlor! The anniversary of his march on Washington on August 28, 1963, and his historic dream speech has been haunting me in the last few days. There he said in such a resounding, melodious tone: “I have a dream that one day …..the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood…I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by their character….”

We all have a dream. What kind of a society is our dream? What is our dream for humanity? The three great evils of humanity: racism, casteism, and colonialism with their attending tragic consequences of slavery and servitude, segregation and discrimination have ended only legally on papers in the latter part of 20th century. I have a dream that all kinds of discriminations on the basis of color, caste, creed, and sex may be wiped out of the face of the earth.

Snehananda Jyoti  

Open and Unafraid

It has been almost eight or ten years since I had been writing for Indian Thoughts. I have found that the most effective technique to pass a moral is decorating the post with an appropriate life situation. As if quite aware of what I actually yearn for, Universe had been providing enough of them in regular frequencies. Of all the examples that come to me, episodes of courageously facing challenges and uncompromisingly sticking on to values have attracted me most. Everybody knows what is right and wrong, but only a few have the courage and ambiance to physically sort it as such and dare to face the consequences as well.  Today, I share with you the story of a unique family. 

A young man who earnestly believed that humanity cannot be categorized by religions and trusted in his own common sense wanted a lady of his tastes in marriage. So he put an advertisement saying, ‘wanted bride for a good looking boy (33 yrs.,173 cm) basically a rationalist, hailing from an average family of agriculturists and who intends to register the marriage with the registrar of marriages’. The name of this boy from Aluva was John Baby. He was astonished to learn that a lady by name Mini has responded. It is almost 15 years since they were married at a simple celebration held at Thrissur, Kerala.

Today, they are parents to one boy and a girl, Minon (14) and Mintu (11) respectively. Both Baby and Mini lived in utter contempt for the synthetic social style of fabricating the future of an individual. They did not send their children to any School; the main reason was that they did not appreciate the column in the application form asking for cast/religion/community. They were not ready to compromise their status of a human being. The children grew absolutely free from all sorts of social norms and the clutches of religion. At the age of 13, Minon received an award of excellence from the President of India. So far he has created around six thousand pictures using either of water colour, oil paint, acrylic, charcoal and crayon. His works were exhibited at Thrissur and Kottayam by respective Lalithakala Acadamies. He has so far received more appreciations than a classic winner in School Youth festivals. Now he is taking classes for school students on science, environment, drawing and bird watching.

Little Mintu also is nowhere behind. She is practicing dance in Haripad Saranaga under Klalamandalam Vijayakumari. Her spare time hobby is cooking and tailoring. John Baby who also is a talented artist believes that the present system of education does not serve its’ purpose. He says that Nature is the biggest of text books. John Baby is reported to have said that his children have learnt to fetch for a living and they have everything they need. It may seem that he was ridiculously risking his children. For me, I see them as a human family living in India. 

Joseph Mattappally

Love Knows no Limit

Love is the child of freedom, never that of domination- Erich Fromm

Love gives itself, it is not bought. Brotherly love for all human beings; it is characterized by its very lack off exclusiveness. If I have developed the capacity for love, then I cannot help loving my brothers. In brotherly love there is the experience of union with all men; of human solidarity; of human atonement. Brotherly love is based on the experience that we all are one. The differences in talents, intelligence and knowledge are negligible in comparison with the identity of the human core common to all men. Love is always building up. It puts some line of beauty on every life it touches. It gives new hope to discouraged ones, new strength to those who are weak, new joys to those who are sorrowing. It makes life seem more worthwhile to everyone into whose eyes it looks. All true love is grounded on esteem. The heart of him who truly loves is a paradise on earth; he has God in himself, for God is love. From the fact that one knows, and because one loves, one desires to possess that which one loves. And this is a sign of true love, that he who loves, transforms not a part of himself merely, but his whole being in to the beloved.

All loves should be stepping stones to the love of God. A spark of pure love is more precious before God, more useful for the soul and more rich in benedictions. Love consists not in feeling great things, but in having great detachment and in suffering for the Beloved. Love and concern have no limits; Love and concern have no relatives; Love and concern embrace all, and in a special way, those who suffer, those who have no one to assist and those who are abandoned.

There is a story being told about two poor lovers. The girl had a lovely golden hair and that was the best thing she had. The boy had a lovely wrist watch, but without a strap. Both loved each other very much. On valentine’s day, they wanted to give a gift to each other, but they had no money. Somehow they managed to buy gifts and presented them each other. When the boy opened the gift, he was thrilled to find a lovely strap for his wristwatch. When the girl opened her gift, she found a golden hair band. But the tragedy was that she had no hair, for she had cut and sold her beautiful golden hair to buy the strap which her lover needed, and he, on his part had sold his strapless watch in order to buy the golden hair band. Each offered something wonderful for the other. 

Love has no meaning if it isn’t shared. Love has to be put in to action. You have tom love without expectation, to do something for love itself, not for what you may receive,” reminds Mother Teresa of Kolkota.

“We are shaped and fashioned by what we love.” Goethe

Sr(Dr)Lilly Thokkanattu

Know Thy Self, Never Imitate-3

Krishna is one of those rare beings in our human history. He is not concerned about what we say about him. Was he accepted as Bhagwan or God in his own time? No, he was accused and condemned in every way. And even today, we will not spare him unless we shut our eyes to many episodes of his life. We do know how Jesus was crucified. He was condemned as a disreputable and dangerous person. When he was crucified he was not alone: he was placed between two thieves who were going to suffer the same fate. This was a declaration that Jesus was no better than the criminals. The society in which Krishna or Jesus, Mahavira or Buddha were born did not accept them as bhagwans, incarnations or messiahs. It condemned them, called them names, mocked them and persecuted them. But they were brave people and could not be intimidated. They took all the insults and humiliations with a smile of compassion on their faces. So, how long can we go on? We will feel embarrassed, conquered by their love, their forbearance and compassion. And we the society begin to honour and worship them. But they take our worship with the same detachment and equanimity with which they take our insults and curses, because really nothing affects them - neither fame or infamy. And the then society hails them as God incarnates. 

I attach importance to a discussion of Krishna’s life not because we have to emulate him, but because he is the most beautiful and rare example of a multi-dimensional person. And if his treasures are laid before us, they will help us uncover our own hidden treasures. And we better remember that Krishna’s treasures are his own and our treasures will be our own. And no one can say our treasures will not be even richer than Krishna’s. I just want to remind us all again that what happened to Krishna can happen to each one of us, and this awareness is enough. This whole discussion is meant for the remembrance that we all are heirs to Godliness. We just have to understand our own life with Krishna’s life. And we don’t have to accept and follow Krishna’s views and ideas. People like Krishna look at life with extraordinary eyes, and their perception is rare. It penetrates the inner most depth of life, and it will be a great gift if for a little while if we can look at life through the eyes of Krishna. That will go a long way to change and deepen our own perception, our own perspective of life. 

Even if we are in Himalayas, surrounded by beautiful hills and majestic mountains, we can see only that much beauty in these mountains as our eyes, our perception, our perspective are capable of. I would like to share a story of the Russian artist Mr. Nicholas Roerich, who happened to visit Himalayas and whole life he painted only Himalayas. The story and its relevance to this topic will be discussed in the following week. And until then let us contemplate what we discussed in these 3 parts of ‘Know thy self, Never imitate’. 

To understand Gita, we must understand Krishna. 

Dr. Dwarakanath, 

Director, Mitran foundation- the stress management people.