Marketing Morals

The first moral science story of my young days which I remember was the story of a farmer, who was worried because his four sons did not work in farms and kept quarreling amongst themselves. One day he told them that he had placed his pitcher of money somewhere in the farm. He had forgotten where he had kept it. All four sons in search of the money pitcher dug the entire farm, but were unable to find the money. The farmer then requested his sons to sow a few seeds of wheat once the farm was already dug up. After a few days a healthy crop came up in the farm. The farmer then explained to his sons, the secret behind the pitcher. The actual secret was: working hard together toproduce the wealth in the form of a crop that could then be sold for money. I always wondered about the purpose of telling such stories to young children. Do they really understand the message at the age of six, seven or eight? Is there a way that the message goes across much more firmly? Are elders trying to sell the Morals to young children? Is it a type of marketing? I went back to the MBA books to understand the term “Marketing”. Marketing is explained as a "process of exchanging products and value with others". What a good example of marketing it is, when we talk of exchanging value in form of Morals. Most people will relate marketing with the purpose of financial profitability. But in this new age, the phenomenon of marketing has to be used even to establish your point well, even in the context of telling Morals.

Many people of my age and a generation before me have never endorsed the idea of marketing for noble purposes. They feel that marketing is a way to fool people, to make them buy useless things. They say that a good thing sells automatically. 

Today, the number of options for good things is also very large for any user to select them and then take them. If we have to reach out to an ever increasing population for moral education, we need to use the same techniques that a typical marketer does to reach out to his clientele. We need to understand the requirements, do surveys, prepare offers, and reach out to their points of presence. I believe that using stories to tell morals is an offer made by a writer to its readers. It asks a reader to promise to take the gyan he is about to impress upon the reader and thus offers him a story to begin with. Got it, if not, wait for another story to come soon.

Dr. Sunil Ji Garg

Path of Ahimsa

(From Views and Words, published in Indian Thoughts) 

The whole system of Indian Thought is unique for its concept of Dharma. The definition of Dharma may be varying from system to system, but every system accepts the preservation of dharma as a necessary precondition for the preservation of life and universe. The term dharma means anything that preserves one own existence as well as the co-existence of others. That is, it aims at the co-existence of man and the universe. What is essential to preserve the co-existence of man and universe may be a debatable matter. For Eg; the Carvaka system, the Indian materialistic thought strongly believes that bread alone is enough to preserve human existence.  But all other systems have the opinion that human existence can be preserved by something more than bread and its’ fabrications.  In biblical terms, man needs every word that comes from the mouth of God apart from daily bread.

If we accept that bread alone is enough to preserve human existence then the natural outcome is that every human being has to accumulate the maximum amount of bread to ensure the longevity of human existence. If everyone tries accumulating the maximum for oneself, then the result will be competition, conflict, crisis and war.  In such a set up no one will be able to live a normal life. This shows that if one believes in bread alone, it cannot guarantee even his own existence because victory in any war needs something more than skill and efficiency. That something can be termed as good luck.  But one cannot be sure that the good luck will always be with him.

Therefore, the Indian Rishis introduced a very unique term to the philosophical world, ie, Ahimsa. Literally, it means abstain from killing. But it is impossible to lead a normal life without annihilating the other beings because we want to eat something. Eating something means annihilation of one form of life or other. Even a strict non-vegetarian cannot make a claim that he is not annihilating anything because life element in a piece of grain can never be different from the life element in me. Then the question arises is whether ahimsa is an impractical concept or not. The answer given by the Indian tradition is that it is practical because the term Ahimsa means to take only the minimum from the world. That is Ahimsa means the minimum use of wealth, power, position, fame etc. The use of the minimum guards you from competition, conflict, crisis and war and it guarantees peaceful co-existence.  

Dr K S Radhakrishnan (Chairman Kerala PSC)

I'm Awake

It is said that soon after his enlightenment, the Buddha passed a man who was struck by the Buddha's extra ordinary radiance and peaceful presence.

The man stopped him and asked,

"My friend, who are you? Are you a celestial being or God?"

"No," said the Buddha.

"Well, then, are you some kind of magician or wizard?

Again the Buddha replied, "No."

"Are you a man?"

"No."

"Well, then, my friend, what are you?"

The Buddha replied, " I am awake."

(This Buddha story is shared by Dr, K Jayakumar, Kottayam)

The Nail Came Out

Once, I was on a visit to the University of Roorkee (now IIT) for some official work. While returning from my morning walk, I saw a game of tennis going on in the tennis courts. Since tennis has been my favourite game, I turned towards the courts to watch the game. Incidentally, the Vice Chancellor and some professors who knew me well were also playing. After finishing the ongoing game, they invited me to join them. Though I was not properly dressed for the game, I accepted the offer and joined them. Soon after the game started, I misjudged a shot coming from the opposite side and fell on the court. The court was a cemented one and in the process my right hand’s fingers as well as the thumb got badly injured. Three fingers of the hand almost fully turned backwards while the nail of the thumb was badly crushed. Though medical aid was extended to me immediately, it took me months before the fingers became functional. Till now, they are not fully normal, though ten years have passed since then. 

During the course of my recovery, I learned an important lesson. As mentioned above, the nail of my thumb was badly crushed in the fall. It used to be quiet painful but soon the natural process started replacing it with a new one. It was a slow process and the old nail was being rejected gradually. This used to irritate me and quite often I tried to remove the old nail by force. But it was a painful process and I never succeeded in it. However, this problem constantly drew my attention and I waited for the day when the old nail would be completely out. 

It was about six months after the accident took place, when I went to an institute in Faridabad for a lecture. During the journey also, my nail was drawing my attention. But as soon as I reached the room, I noticed that the old nail had fallen out without any pain and I felt very relieved. This process also made me think that all natural processes take their own time and there is no point in trying to expedite them. If we do so, it is only a painful process. 

This fact applies to all the aspects of life. We often get upset over the seeming delays in our lives but there is no use of it. All problems of life get sorted out in due course and our undue concern for them is of no use. Therefore, the best way to live is to accept life as it comes. Of course, we have to do our best at every point of time.

Rakesh Mittal I A S

Stop Growing !

My father was a very good farmer and my mother a good housewife. When my mother gave birth to me, our own house was the clinic and a local midwife was the attending specialist. Years passed by; my children were born in the nearest general hospital. They got married and their children were cared at super specialty hospitals, far away. The culture has changed and health/safety measures also have improved. Still, I doubt if it could help improving our life span. 

My parents died in peace at home and their coffins were taken on shoulders to the Church three kms. away, accompanied by dear and near, all walking all the way. Hardly two decades passed before I saw coffins being ported on ambulances and people on luxury SUVs following. In my childhood, if parents, sick or healthy, spent their last days together with their children and grand children in the same house. The situation is different now. Parents have begun to occupy old age houses with no visitors. Family ties have become lose and shallow. 

In my childhood, our playtime was mostly from morning to dusk and the field was restricted by only horizons at all directions. That was the rule of the village. Those days we never have thought of throwing something away; we believed in repairing and recycling. Where does humanity move now? In spite of all that we have invented, procured and own if what we have is a feeling of loss, it is time to reverse our journey back to our individuality where we served our purpose. Michelangelo once said, “Many believe - and I believe - that I have been designated for this work by God. In spite of my old age, I do not want to give it up; I work out of love for God and I put all my hope in Him.” Until mankind begins doing everything out of love of God, God’s love is not going to save humanity. Sorry to say that the paradigm shift was from God’s purpose to man’s purpose. The faces of cultures have changed into bright colours but our hearts remain clad in morbid textures.

Joseph Mattappally

Freedom And Concience

Freedom is the most distinguishing characteristic that differentiates a human from an animal. Only in freedom a person can make decisions to become who one needs to become. That is why there were persons who preferred freedom to death. A life without freedom is not worth living. A duly formed conscience on the basis of a universal ethical and value system steers the human in the right direction to achieve one’s destiny. Conscience, a human’s ultimate guide, can work fully only in the climate of full freedom. Thus freedom and conscience are inseparably intertwined.

The question now is: How free is any human being? It is easy to detect encroachments on freedom by self-centered, anti-social perpetrators of crimes, authoritarian dictators, or do-gooder autocrats. It is very difficult to with-stand extremely subtle pressures on freedom from one’s close friends and relatives, and even one’s spouse. It is often the close ones that nibble away your freedom. You can become very vulnerable to their repeated attempts of manipulations of their friendship and love for you. You become very susceptible to their intriguing and irrational demands, especially when they with-hold satisfactions or emotional and physical pleasures that are in their power to give,  and that we very much crave for. They try to make you feel guilty by comparing your love for them with your fairness for a casual acquaintance, co-worker, or an employee whom they dislike or despise, certainly not any rational basis. In effect what they say is: “If you really loved me, you would have the same feelings toward them that I have for them”. Here reason does not matter; raw emotions do. You may even be considered to be a mad person. For instance, I remember years ago when I bought a piece of property that I liked at a relatively low price on the southern tip of cape, Kanyakumari, a close relative of mine thought I was really mad since the property was in another state far away from my actual residence. Now the value of that property on the ocean beach at sun-set point has sky-rocketed, I am a very wise man indeed with a plan and vision. It is good to remind ourselves that these very close persons are extremely well-intentioned, even though misguided. They are very devoted to our welfare, and intensely committed to loving us and taking care of us. They really want to save us from ourselves!

In a difficult, doggy dog world of stress and tension, and struggle for survival, the sheer prospect of loneliness can make one succumb to subtle pressures that curtail one’s freedom and compromise one’s conscience. My suggestion to all is: Do not compromise with your true freedom; do not compromise with your carefully inculcated value system; do not compromise with your conscience, however you are tempted to do it for immediate gain and satisfaction. Make only those compromises that you can live with in mental and spiritual peace. Hitler may not have become the monster he did become, if persons in power in Europe, including the prime minster of Britain, Neville Chambelain, had not, in weakness, compromised and appeased Hitler as he kept on annexing adjoining countries. Stick to your long-cherished principles, no matter what they cost. Your peace of mind is worth your bliss in good times and bad times.                    

Swami (Dr)  Snehananda Jyoti: 

Come In – Go Out

I was conducting one of my aromatherapy classes. One of my friends, who is also a spiritually minded person, came at the end of the class to pick her daughter up, who had joined my class. Since the class also discussed the contribution of Indians to the world knowledge pool in every sphere of life, we had created a theme for the post-class discussions. He mentioned that the Indian philosophy talks about coming inside, which means understanding yourself, while the western philosophy talks about going out or understanding others around you. This gave me enough food for thought. I have an opinion that a true fusion of both the philosophies is required. One cannot analyze and learn about himself unless he understands his environment well. Analysis is always about comparisons. Either you compare to your past deeds, or the deeds of the others around you. Right or wrong is a relative judgment.

Actually, the debate started with the point that we Indians do less documentation of our findings, as compared to western countries. For this reason we either loose credit for many things or we end up making claims that we already knew many things in the past which the western people are now trying to teach us back. Many times we feel that things are in our brains, well preserved and can be transferred to the right disciple. In search of the right disciple, a good teacher may sometimes end up waiting for the entire life. Here, documentation comes to the rescue.

So truly speaking, there is no need to talk about clashing philosophies. It is just a matter of picking the right things from every philosophy rather than trying to prove which one is better.

Dr. Sunil Ji Garg

Peace

Peace is a journey of a thousand miles and it must be taken one step at a time.  When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other says Mother Teresa. Order and beauty go together. The fair flower of peace does not grow among the weeds of an ill-regulated life. The radiance of a deep inner serenity is the product of disciplining both in the heart and in outward affairs. He who is united with the divine will, enjoys even in this life, a perpetual peace.

Every leader in the world aims to find a lasting solution to the problems that beset our planet, but so far, peace on earth has continued to be an elusive dream. There are many movements, organisations and fraternities all over the world that promotes the idea of world peace. Why is the world peace so difficult to achieve? Perhaps the answer lies within our self. What have we done to make the world a better place to live in? How have we treated our brothers and sisters and our neighbour? Fulton J Sheen gives psychological suggestion for acquiring peace of soul. Never brag, never talk about yourself, never rush to first seats… never use people for your own advantage, never lord like a symphony orchestra. God is the conductor. When nations turn to Him for direction, there is harmony; but when they turn away, then there is confusion and strife.” it over others as if you were better than they.

Is it possible to achieve world peace? When we start doing good to other people, we can inspire others to do the same. By carrying the good deeds forward, we can multiply the number of people we touch with our goodwill and eventually it will spread and infect others. We cannot expect peace in the world unless we give that in our heart we are prepared to sacrifice. In this holy season of Advent Jesus the Prince of peace is promising us his lasting peace. May we empty ourselves of our complacent attitude and all that destroys our peace to experience this lasting peace promised by the Lord. 

Madam Galli-Curci, the famous singer, made this observation, “The world is like a symphony orchestra. God is the conductor. When nations turn to Him for direction, there is harmony; but when they turn away, then there is confusion and strife.”

Sr(Dr) Lilly Thockanattu SJL

One Step at a Time

Once, I was to attend a meeting in Delhi. The meeting was in the afternoon and the meeting hall was located on the fourth floor. When I reached the Ministry after obtaining the entry pass, I moved towards the lift. To my utter disappointment, I found that the lift was out of order and I was to climb up to attend the meeting. I had come to the meeting just after lunch and was not physically and mentally prepared to climb four floors. Since there was no other option, I decided to climb but with reluctance and a sad state of mind. Immediately, better sense prevailed and I thought why I should be sad in this situation. A famous quote, ‘If you have not what you like, you must like what you have’ came to my mind and I started seeing the situation in that perspective. I further thought that why should I think of four floors at a point of time. Instead, I started thinking of one step at a time. The whole phobia of climbing four floors then converted into a joy of taking one step at a time. At one step, I also thought of chanting God’s name with every step. All this changed my state of mind completely, and I started climbing one step at a time. Soon, I was on the fourth floor to attend the meeting with cheerfulness and confidence. 

This is an everyday affair for all of us. We all want to take big leaps in all the spheres of life. We express our goals every now and then but make no beginning. Not only that, we often blame our environment, time and others for not being able to do so. It results into continuous postponement of our actions and in the process life comes to an end and it becomes too late to start. We then wait for the next life, which is so uncertain. All those who have achieved high goals in life have wasted no time in taking the first step. Life is too short and precious to be wasted in waiting. It has been rightly said that even a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and all mighty rivers can be leapt at their source’. Once we understand the value of time and the purpose of our life, our confusion disappears. Life then becomes not only purposeful but a happy journey too. 

In this regard, I deeply appreciate the approach of the Dharam Bharti Mission, with which I came in contact with recently. It says that if you want to change things for the better and achieve high goals in life then begin with yourself, begin with small and begin now. Postponement can be a costly error.

Rakesh Mittal I A S

Father-in-Father

A long time ago, there was a hair-dresser named Fred who was a rehabilitated truck-driver. Stepping into his truck one winter day, he slipped on ice and damaged his back so badly that he could no longer drive his truck. He went for vocational testing, and when he learned that the top recommendation was hair dressing, he was, to put it mildly, horrified. After a few agonizing days, he decided to take the career and he enrolled in a top level school in New York City, and came out of it with comb and scissors.

Fred was a practicing Catholic, who believed that he has lost the privilege of receiving Eucharist because he had taken vasectomy. He lived in fear of hell. Fred discussed the matter with his friend and both the friends began working through this dilemma. It was then that Fred suffered a heart attack. "I'm going to hell. This time I know I'm going to hell." Fred cried. Somehow, he survived. Later he described the pain of the attack: "It was the worst pain I've ever experienced. I lay there on the table, and I said to God, 'Kill me or let me live, but take away this pain.” His friend spoke to him as if excited, "Fred, I bet God is delighted! For the first time in your life, you talked to God in your native tongue, your own natural voice like you talk to your best friend. Catholics believe that God is father, right?" He nodded. "Supposing it was your child who cried out like that in pain, what would you do?" There was a pause, quite a long pause. 

As I read this story, I was reminded of Neale Donald Walsch, the author of the much discussed ‘Conversations with God’, which illustrates logically that our relationship with God should be so intimate, many times stronger than that of a romantic couple. I think, most of the seekers across the globe cannot contain such an intimate relationship with God and have lost track of native tongue when conversing with God. 

I remember a story of an ascetic who died and arrived at the gates of heaven. “Who is there” He heard a voice from within. “It’s me,” answered the ascetic. “There isn’t room for two here,” said the voice. “Go away!” The ascetic went back down to the earth and began his struggle all over again: poverty, fasting, uninterrupted prayer and weeping. His appointed hour came a second time and he died. Once more he knocked at the gates of heaven. “Who is there?” came the voice. “Me,” the ascetic answered. “There is no room for two. Go away,” the voice said. The ascetic plummeted down to the earth and resumed his struggle to attain salvation even more ferociously than before. He became old and died again. He knocked at the gates of heaven once again. “Who is there?” came the voice. “Thou, Oh Lord! Thou,” he replied. Straight away the gates of heaven were opened and he entered into the paradise. This story which St. Francis is said to have narrated to Brother Leo, clarifies what humans are supposed to do to attain salvation. This rule of revolutionary evolution from an unknown connection to a Father-in-Father intimate relationship is the key to enlightenment and it is open to all humans irrespective of country, faith, caste, sex or age. I see the blinking Christmas stars glittering all over the streets. It is Christmas again! I wish a ray or realization slip through our biased understandings of eternal life. 

Joseph Mattappally

Vision Of Christianity

This brief article explores a Vision of Christianity in the world with a special reference to India. Christianity needs to refocus on propagating the pristine teachings of Christ, and not the doctrines and dogmas later developed over the years as tradition in the Church. While tradition can be immensely helpful, only the Gospels remain normative. Once persons learn the true and unadulterated teachings of Christ, they will live those teachings in the light of their conscience. Those who need guidance can be given further explanation or clarification. What is needed then are centers of guidance and retreats wherein thorough training in meditations and Christ’s teachings takes place. The whole present Church structure with its archaic training institutions need to be thoroughly overhauled in keeping with the discerned signs of the times to meet contemporary needs. Administrative centers, if required, need to have only a minimum juridical framework. Only those institutions such as hospitals, schools or colleges that can be maintained with the help of the communities in which they are need to continue. No institution needs to be tax-exempt. Clerical and hierarchical positions steeped in autocracy, with pompous ceremonial outfits, intended to exercise power and control, need to go. Advances in sciences, especially in medical fields, legal rights and trends, and space explorations, need to be evaluated in the context of the Kingdom of God. Christ from Chrestos in Greek meaning the Anointed (abhishikta) came to preach the Kingdom of God. This Kingdom of God is within each one of us (Luke 17: 21). Before establishing this Kingdom – a Kingdom of truth and justice, peace, forgiveness, and reconciliation, as well as mercy and compassion - repentance and a transformative change of heart (metanoia) are required. Any progress and development need to take into account the minimum needs of the poor and the down-trodden.

The program and mission of Christ, and the criteria for success are very clearly expressed in the New Testament of the Bible.  As his mission Christ read a passage from the Old Testament as applying to him: “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor, to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, and to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor” (Luke 4: 18-19). St. Paul, the spokesman of Christ’s ministry clearly wrote: “So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, … and entrusting the message of reconciliation to us. So we are ambassadors for Christ, … be reconciled to God” (2nd Corinthians: 5: 17-21). The ideal way of carrying out the teachings of Christ is in a radical socialist or communist setting or structure as described in the Acts of the Apostles: “All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need (2: 44-45 & 4: 32). The last judgment (Matthew 25: 31-46) indicates the criteria of success of the ministry: feeding the hungry, quenching the thirsty, welcoming the stranger, clothing the naked, taking care of the sick, and visiting those in prison. Christ in no uncertain terms also reminds us that when we do anything to the least of the human family we do it to him. 

In the Indian context, Christ (Abhishikta) is the Logos (Word: Aadi Shabda) from the beginning of the world as mentioned in the first chapter of St. John’s Gospel. We can put the program of Christ in terms of the Vedanta (Hindu Scriptures). A human comes from anandam (bliss), is conceived in the sacred union of a committed man and a woman involving anandam that ends in climax (rati), and comes out into this world from the womb as an individual with a primal scream that is an indication of the child leaving the ideal climate of the womb. This human going from perfection to perfection has individuality, personality, totality, and reality. A person is unique, has many masks (persona), is part of a community (the universe), and reality. Nobody knows about reality for sure. We have only images or shadows of reality. We have our own ideas of God, conscience, and our own belief system. When we say Brahma Satyam, Jagat Mithya (God is the truth, the world is an illusion), we mean we are in this world but do not belong to this world in that this world is not real. We develop viveka (discernment or wisdom) and viragya, (detachment), shat-sampad (the six virtues: sama = calmness or control of mind, dama = control of the senses, uparati = renunciation of worldly activities,  titiksha = endurance of opposite circumstances, sradda = faith, and samadhana = concentration of the mind), leading to mumukhshutva (liberation). The Christians believe that one dies and goes to heaven or a center of purification (purgatory) till beatific vision with God. The Hindus and Buddhists believe that one dies and is reborn until mumukshutva or nirvana (liberation). In the final analysis, all religions believe in some kind of heaven or liberation as the final end of humans. So it is of great importance that all spiritual leaders of good will to think of some ecumenical fellowship wherein all religions together have a minimum program of creative cooperation.

In the Gospel of John, Christ as Logos comes into the world, and denotes a descending theology. In the Nirvana Shatkam, Shankaracharya depicts us in beautiful Advaida (non-duality) terms as Chidananda Rupah (Blissful Consciousness). This denotes an ascending theology. Here God is the ocean, and we are the waves in the ocean. Waves are inseparable from the ocean. Pope Francis, for instance, considers himself to be a sinner as he stated to a recent reporter; I consider myself to be a privileged and graced child of God. Nonetheless, here we stand as equals in the stage of the Pilgrim Church embracing the whole world while proclaiming the Good News (Gospel and Vendanta) to anyone who is disposed to hear.

Swami (Dr)  Snehananda Jyoti:

Thinking Thoughts

The bio-chemical process involved in thinking is understood by scientists to some extent. The end result of thinking is to form a thought. Most thoughts are then stored in our memory. Some are discarded and you forget them fast. The process of thinking may begin with some pre-stored thoughts along with some external stimuli. I kept on thinking the whole day. How all of this starts. Is there a reason why something was thought and other was not. Although what was not thought could have been thought. How much did I think? Do I have a criterion for measurement? Let me narrate a story here.

"A king was about to start his journey to one of the remote areas of his kingdom. The night guard came to the king and requested the king to postpone his journey. He mentioned that in the night he had a nap and saw a dreadful dream. He had dreamt that the area his king was about to visit had been devastated due to a severe earthquake. The king asked his minister, whether to follow the advice of the guard. Minister said that he has earlier heard about dreams of this guard and advised the king to postpone his journey. Very soon the news of earthquake reached the king. He called the guard, thanked him, gave him some money, but at the same time sacked him too. The King later told his minister that he had sacked the guard because he slept during the night when he was supposed to do his guarding duties.”

Here we see the magic of thoughts happening in many ways. The Guard's thoughts came during the period of his unconscious activity. These were related to a future event. The Minister's thoughts were spontaneous and were based on few hear-says and past experiences. The King's thought were based on critical analysis and thus he came to an unexpected decision. Hope this analysis will help you find why something was thought. The minister could have also given the suggestion to sack the guard. This was not thought by the minister as he had a predisposition towards being happy about saving the life of his king. Why a futuristic dream came to the guard is not fully explainable. Many of us must have had firsthand experience, where a futuristic event occurs in advance inside our mind. Sometimes we name it as intuition. Our scientists are still trying to find out why this happens.

I am still thinking and creating new thoughts. You should also keep thinking and create new explanations. 

Dr. Sunil Ji Garg

Relationship

All Feel better and do better when you give them attention, affirmation and appreciation. The nest time you make contact with people, begin by giving them your undivided attention, affirm them and show your appreciation for them in some way. Then watch what happens. You will be surprised by how positively they respond. To build relationship, begin by listening to people’s life stories, their journey so far. Your genuine interest in them will mean a lot to them. Try to learn as much as you can about the people and do your best to win their hearts. Your relationships will define you. And they will influence your talent-one way or the other. Choose wisely. If you want to add value to people, you have to value them first.

We need to focus on finding people’s strengths and pointing them out. Most people have strengths that they rarely get to use. Those strengths may be job skills, knowledge, general abilities, personality characteristics, or other attributes. If you want to influence others, do not try to impress them. The people with charisma, those who attract others to themselves, are individuals who focus on others, not themselves. If you boil relationships down to the most important element, it’s always going to be trust- not leadership, value, partnership, or anything else.

When it comes to relationships, yourself image restricts your ability to build healthy relationships. A negative self image will even keep a person from being successful. Take an interest in people, this may sound too simple, but it really all starts here. You have to show people that you care about them by taking an interest in them. If you’re not a people person, that may be the first step you need to take. Look for value in every person. 

Psychologist and New York Times best-selling author Phil McGraw state, “I always say that the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. You’ve got to be your own best friend first.”In 1937 the granddaddy of all people-skills books was published. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling more than fifteen million copies. That book was How to win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. What made this book so valuable was his understanding of human nature. His simple wisdom was to remember and use a person’s name. We should be aware of the magic contained in a name. The name sets the individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. From the waitress to the senior executive, the name will wok magic as we deal with others. Remembering names can help enhance your personal image, improve your style, and most importantly, increase your impact on others.

Are we prepared for relationships?  Are we willing to focus on others? Can we create a win-win relationship?

Sr (Dr) Lilly Thokkanattu SJL

Making of a Nation

For the last two months, I was in Ahmadabad. My Kerala friends used to ask me how Modi is; none of them somehow asked me how Ahmadabad is or Gujarat is. Have identifying establishments and places by the big name which rules it has emerged into a fashion? On a wider perspective it is unjust to think so but on a closer analysis it is partially justifiable too (jaisaa Modi vaisaa Gujarath). Recently, 4,500 doctors in the city was held up due to a one day seminar on health presided by the Chief Minister. All the state controlled hospitals here remained virtually closed for a whole day, leaving many thousands of patients in pains as such, postponing even surgeries serious or silly. I don’t think that Modi wanted it to be so. The problem is with the machinery that hums along with. Ahmadabad has a Vice-chancellor who is alleged to have used his official car to pick his pet dogs and moved in another luxury piece which he sanctioned for one of his subordinates. Is it Modi’s fall? Can Modi alone be alleged to be responsible for the beggars, who carefully disappear into the kachada barrels outside city apartments every day morning? I could see people sleeping in the open, even at so cool a weather. Recently, a member of a social service organization who participated in a mission of distributing used cloths said, “At every point, we were received like Tanzanian devils preying on its catch.” The roads are wide (guarded by dogs everywhere); power is uninterrupted; malls are grand and clubs are fine. 

All the political icons of India bear good and bad points in their progress card. There were communal riots even before Modi was born? I have a few questions. Could Hitler alone have brutally bounced upon a whole race? No, never. Good or bad, there is a Modi in each one of us, so is a Hitler. It was you who ordered inquisition of a whole village, in the name of the Holy See. It was you who appeared as tsunami; you were hurricane Katrina; you are everywhere. Do not disregard my words; you are the one who is going to be the prime minister of India. At the same time, you will continue to be the subject too. You violate others modesty, you plunder, you rape, you ….. If you are as harmless as a newborn chick, so will be your prime minister too. He is created from the rib bones of your great Self. Voting is just the show of a privilege; you have already elected your prime minister. The adage goes saying, ‘you see only what you have painted,’ which means, everything around you is your own creation. We think and think on multitude of things, from morning to evening. Why not we do just one thing each day to qualify us for the best prime minister of India? When you change a little, you modify India a little. Instead of Modifying or Rahulizing India, let us first humanize ourselves. 

Joseph Mattappally

Marriage Or Bondage?

With divorce rate, separation, and unfaithfulness in marriage soaring, marriage, the most sacred institution in the world that is the corner stone of society, has been in serious trouble for a long time. It is also important to be aware of yesterday’s news reports that while the Supreme Court of India criminalizes homosexual relationships, the United Kingdom has passed a law that makes marriage among homosexuals possible and legal from March of 2014. While ever increasing mindless assaults on marriage are taking place in the US, often for capricious and selfish reasons, many irreconcilable and dead marriages drag on India in spite of gross human rights violations. Interestingly, in Christianity marriage is a sacrament that is an efficacious sign of grace whereby divine life is dispensed. In Hinduism the wife is considered to be a pativrata (the chaste, devoted, and loyal wife) vowed to her husband. A Hindu wife is thought to consider her husband to be her living god. With such lofty idealism in two most important religions it is important to briefly glance at what is happening to marriage.

In the US, mistaking injured narcissism and selfish interests, often unconscious, with respect and liberation, the so-called aggrieved party in the marriage makes unilateral and impulsive decisions to physically or legally separate or to pull out of marriage altogether through divorce. This aggrieved party has minimum required financial resources besides some, often unhealthy, outside emotional support. In the US where I treated many couples in marital therapy over a span of 25 years, as a licensed clinical psychologist, I was able to save through painful but effective psychological intervention many couples from the brink of divorce. This of course meant that these couples had a minimum amount of hope, good will, and commitment to persevere through months of painstaking therapy sessions to repair the marriage. In India there is very little effective psychological intervention which is still thought of as a taboo. Divorce  that is a last resort is veritably a torturous procedure with ineffective, out-dated, endless, bureaucratic, socio-legal maneuverings. In the US, one of the spouses is too quick to get out of a marriage often with vicious lawyers who are ill-equipped psychologically for a humane outcome. In India, a spouse, often the woman, helplessly suffers the ill-treatment in marriage.

Is then marriage that is supposed to be the most loving, beautiful, enjoyable, complementary, and mutually beneficial commitment a bondage rather than the most precious blessing and comfort. We pay very little attention to preparation for marriage, the most deeply enjoyable human relationship, from which future citizens of the Kingdom of God are born. In the US an intense liking or infatuation can lead to a marriage. In India, especially in Kerala, the state where I live in, a marriage is often a commercial match-making or enterprise rather than a spiritual experience or event, dominated by men who tend to keep women in subjugation. Women in India tend to be passive, and live under learned and programmed helplessness. Some women in the US with the new consciousness of their rights coming chiefly from women’s studies and liberation movements tend to be aggressive. Are these women, perhaps, overcompensating for years of oppression they or their mothers suffered?

I would like to keep the word marriage for a committed union between a man and a woman. I would like to call legal unions or contracts among, say, gays or lesbians, where permitted, civil unions with the same rights as those of marriage. An unequal marriage is a sure trap and bondage for both. For a healthy, wholesome marriage to work, essentially there need to be equality and a will to love and commitment. A will to love and commitment is primarily cognitive that is then driven and motivated by affect. The cognitive component gives direction and control to the affective potential. It, for instance, works as reins for a pair of horses eager to take off. For the will to love and commitment to work and thrive, a generous amount of empathic relating, healthy compromise, discerning tolerance, conscious acceptance, forgiveness and reconciliation, and, above all, freedom for each spouse to be who she or he needs to be in this planet are a must.

Swami (Dr)  Snehananda Jyoti:  

Convenience Driven Honesty

I derive pleasure, sitting on my laptop; you derive it sitting in front of a TV, someone else you know may derive it going across the malls and shop their purse out. If I ask you, that whether you derive pleasure when you spoke truth or were honest; everyone will surely answer in affirmation. Now if I ask you whether you were always honest till date, some of you may not be able to answer it quickly as a firm 'Yes'. I am a definite 'No'. I did pay money to a traffic constable for not wearing the car seat belt. The excuse inside my mind was clear that I wanted to reach my home quickly to take my wife to a doctor. I did spend a few bucks extra to travel in a reserved compartment, because I had to reach the destination for my official duty or my job would have been at stake. I had a mental

justification for every such episode.

Is there something called absolute Honesty. Is honesty often driven by convenience and circumstances? I have read that behaviour scientists have even mathematically proved that people are always selfish. One can read the works of George R. Price on altruism. Are we just a toy, driven by a remote control of some super power, which controls our actions? Can we give easy excuses for not being honest? Can we take the convenient route and break the law? All these questions are not new, which are coming to my mind only. They must have come to everyone's mind many-many times. All of us have a hidden power to come out of such dilemmas. Our upbringing, our environment and our self control power do have the power to handle this. Doing things out of convenience could have become our habit. We are often slaves of our habit. Compromises are often not compulsions. We need to learn to introspect. Learning the law is necessary but law of the heart is probably much more powerful.

Dr. Sunil Ji Garg

Friendship

Friendship is mutual goodwill and love of two persons who accept each other in a profound manner in view of reciprocal growth. “To be friend is to be yourself for another person,” said the Scottish philosopher John Mac Murray. In friendship, one shares one’s inner most thoughts and feelings with the other. Friendship is a loving commitment of two or more persons. It begins when two or more individuals discover that they have something in common. So friendship is an open, trusting, abiding and reciprocal relationship of affection often based on common interests.

Friendship is one of the greatest gifts human being can receive. It promotes care, concern and understanding. It also helps us grow in self-knowledge. In friendship, we discover not only our friends but increasingly more about our own selves. Friends motivate us to expand our outlook on life. They challenge us to grow in our ability to trust. It guarantees happiness and joy in the midst of the worst tribulations. Friends help us experience love and mutual acceptance. Friendship involves presence-both physical presence and presence of mind. It requires perseverance because it is a never-ending, ever-growing relationship.

The book of Sirach 6:10 and 14 says a faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, and those who fear the Lord will find one. The faithful friend is a secure refuge; whoever has found one has found a treasure. Jesus shared himself with his friends saying, “I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father”(Jn 15:15) Jesus also had special friends, like Lazarus, Martha and Mary. Among the disciples too Jesus has special friends like Peter, James and John. The friendship of Jesus was based on purity of intention. He did not expect anything in return from his friends except their love and loyalty. In times of trial and tribulation, Jesus was present to support them. He proved the depth of his friendship by giving up his own life for his friends. Look at the list of Jesus’ friends. They were mainly from the lower strata of society who would not be able to repay him for the good he had done them.

A friend is one who comes in when the whole world has gone out.

Sr (Dr) Lilly Thokkanattu SJL

Scientific Discipline 2

An approach of scientific discipline for the spiritualism of humanity. 

Life is a play of attraction of opposites. Yin attracts Yang and vice-versa. This rule is the way of nature, of biology. Even spiritualism is not unaffected by this rule, although it is a different journey altogether. Spiritualism is a pilgrimage to self-nature, to being oneself. We don’t have to seek through spiritualism that which attracts us, that which is our opposite. On the contrary, we seek that which we are; we seek our own pristine nature, our original face. But ordinarily our life is a search for the opposites. In youth everyone is so active, and as we grow old all activity begins to ebb. Why? Just for the reason that the youth is packed with masculine and feminine energy, so young men and women become busy building boats and preparing for adventures. With the advent of old age, the fire of life dims considerably. By this time men and women come to know all about each other, and so the pull of opposites withers away. Too much familiarity breeds indifference. As it is the natural law of life that the opposite attracts, so it is the natural law of spiritualism that self-nature attracts, not the opposite. Because of this, we find ourselves in trouble when we apply the ordinary law of the world to spiritual discipline. 

As I see, both biology and spiritualism have their own laws. And a right kind of culture, a complete culture can come into being only if both are allowed to grow in their own ways. In spiritualism, if allowed to grow on the basis of its natural laws- if seekers choose their disciplines rightly, in accord with their types- will lead to explosive action in the field of religion. Krishna is in full accord with his own type, he does not deviate from his self-nature. So are Buddha and Mahavira too. For this reason Krishna’s life is crammed with particular style. Not that Buddha lacks in action. Mahavira keeps moving from one village to another for full forty years in life. It is true that he does not take part in war, he engages in higher kind of war waged in different level. Buddha does not play a flute but his discourses resound with a note that is higher than that of a flute. He has found his authentic being at its highest. Krishna has discovered his own sublime reality, his truth, and he is complete and contented.    

How to find our own distinctive type? It is difficult but not impossible to find. One way is to remember this simple maxim yet difficult to put in practice- that which attracts us is not our type. It is the opposite of our own nature, because the opposite attracts. It seems paradoxical and difficult too, to understand that what repels us is our type. We are not what attract us, we are its opposite. We are really that which repels us! It is really arduous to figure out this paradox, but life is paradoxical. Contemplate the discussion and we shall go in deeper! 

Wishing you good health & happiness,

Dr. Dwarakanath, Director, Mitran foundation- the stress management people 

What is the Difference?

What is the Difference?  1980s was the decade of my spiritual search and contemplation. During this period, I read a number of good books, came across a number of good organisations and met a number of good persons. One such occasion was visiting the Sadhu Vaswani Mission at Pune and meeting its head Dada J P Vaswani. It was in the mid-eighties and I was still learning to interact with holy persons in a meaningful manner. The first interaction obviously used to be in the form of a greeting and in case of holy persons, it was quite customary to touch their feet. When I was to meet Dr Vaswani, I went with the same frame of mind and touched his feet when I met him. By look and body language, Dada looked very humble but I was taken aback when in response to touching his feet, he touched my feet. I was quite embarrassed at this action of his, but then he explained its significance to me. He said that as children of God or as part of the same supreme soul, what was the difference between him and me. As a result, we all need to salute each other with equal reverence. This was exactly the reason why he touched the feet of those who touched his feet. While the explanation may look simple, it was not easy to comprehend its depth at that point of time. Even if one could comprehend it, to practice the same is very difficult. 

I quite often contemplate on this incident and the more I do, the more reverence I develop for Dadaji. It also helps me in reducing the sense of duality in me, which is the cause of all our troubles. We have become so used to plurality that we either suffer with a sense of superiority or inferiority. As a result, the joy of living gets lost and we become part of a rat race to overtake others. This creates further aberrations in our living and the whole life is lost without marching towards its true goal. 

The message of this small incident is very great. All of us need to know our true identity and if we succeed in doing so, all hierarchies in our mind will disappear. We shall then see no hierarchy in the creations of God and will duly see the beautiful variety in them. The negative tendencies like superiority, inferiority, jealousy, hatred, anger, etc., will gradually disappear and we will be able to live a life of perfect joy heading towards its true goal.

Rakesh Mittal I A S

For Sale

Many of the Indian Thoughts readers have pointed out that my passion is always for the young. It is true; today, especially in India, it is the youth who is most strangled, due to mostly compulsive religious practises, polluted social outlook and corrupt administration. They are the people who need much care. They are the would be  kings and queens of tomorrow. Recently, I came across a review on Indians outside India, which concludes saying that Indians are no way inefficient and they strive better outside India. Is the present Indian system so venomous that it does not allow anybody to grow beyond seven feet? Rono Dutta once president of Sahara Airlines later became the head of United Airlines, the biggest airline in the world. Vikram Pundit, an Indian born American once was the Chief executive of Citibank, one of the largest banks in the world. In 1998, Rana Talwar was group executive of Standard Chartered Bank, one of the biggest multinational banks in Britain. Lakhsmi Mittal of Indian descent is the chairman and CEO of Arcelor Mittal, the world’s largest steel making company. Subhash Chandra of Zee TV is a global media king Gururaj Deshpande’s Sycamore based communications company is currently valued by the US stock market at over $ 30 billion, making him perhaps one of the richest Indians in the world. Arun Netravali has become president of Bell Labs, one of the biggest research and development centres in the world with 30,000 inventions and several Nobel Prizes to its credit. The list continues through Indra Krishnamurthy Nooyi, Saber Bhatia, Shailesh Mehta, Rakesh Gangwal ….. However, this statement is not wholly true because there are hundreds of Indians like Rattan Tata, Narayana Murthy and Kris Gopalakrishnan of Infosys, Ambanys, Adi Godrej, Savitri Jindal etc. who could soar to heights.

To identify the main problem factor here, if there is one, I should say that it is just our attitude on ourselves. The word sale literally refers to transfer of a product in exchange for money, an equivalent service or a thing. But a ‘Sale’ board in a store means that the product is available at a discount price. Today, it is a sad thing to note that Indian youth have chosen to be a material open for sale. Ask someone, ‘What are you?’ The answer could be something that means that they are working for or they belong to somebody or something. Occasionally you might hear isolated meek voices saying that I’m a software engineer, I’m a farmer, I’m a sales expert, I’m an artist etc. What difference it makes? In the first case you say that you are sold to a particular company or concern; in the latter situation you say that you are what you are. I say that the Indian shackles are not the issue but putting ourselves on sale is. We first make sure our worth in currency and fix the deal, where both the individual and his shadow are sold. Today’s worst scenario is that the nation is filled with energetic youngsters with a tag on their necks, ‘For Sale’.

Joseph Mattappally

Deepening in Empathy

It is difficult to define empathy accurately. Yet it is generally understood as placing oneself in another person’s emotional and cognitive framework: the capacity to recognize emotions and thoughts as experienced by another; discerning what another person is thinking or feeling. There is affective and cognitive empathy depending on one’s capacity to respond with an appropriate emotion or to understand another’s perspective. Empathy is different from sympathy. I have written about empathy; I have trained counselors and psychotherapists in empathy. Yet after many years of practicing empathy, I feel I still need to deepen in empathy. The case in point is an intense sharing and analysis in a group setting. I thought I was helpful in analyzing certain words such as “strange”, “abnormal” used by someone, who is emotionally very close to me, to describe a certain statement not well thought out by another person in the group who had difficulty identifying feelings and thoughts, and expressing them assertively. Incidentally the person’s “light-hearted” -  “silly” as later labeled by the one who made it - statement related to rescuing a cat before me in a dangerous situation. My effort in clarifying interactions among persons by suggesting to describe the emotional impact that words and statements could have on persons, and to stay away from general “loaded” and “categorizing” words really back-fired on me. I must also say my sequencing of analysis of sympathies, whether affective or cognitive, or affective or cognitive disconnect could have save the day or at least avoided some unnecessary hurts. That all in the group were good-intentioned, loving, and caring did not help the matter any. Now that I have, perhaps, complicated the matter sufficiently for the reader, let me see what lessons we can learn from this encounter group.

Any group experience can teach us valuable lessons. There will always be obvious risks, pains, and hurts that we will have to pay as the price or fee for growing. Certain hurts can be avoided by careful interventions and skillful maneuverings. What I learnt from the above group experience was that I could still go deeper in empathy. I started writing a letter parsing words and justifying my intervention to my friend and colleague who is deeply concerned about my emotional welfare, and who was very hurt by my intervention. Soon I became aware or rather broke into an insight that I needed to discard my earlier letter and write a new letter from my friend’s cognitive and affective perspective in order to heal the hurts that he felt. This letter worked marvelously to repair the damage. Because all that mattered was love, and there was plenty of love to go around in the midst of hurts. I am reminded of St. Paul’s words: “Love covers a multitude of sins”. Love goes beyond words. Personally, I am examining all my close relationships that require greater clarity in deeper empathy. It is not that I know and love them that matters. What really matters is that they know that I understand and love them. This deep love and understanding can happen only in deep empathy.

Swami (Dr)  Snehananda Jyoti

Youngest Prince

Being the youngest one in my family, I always connected well with the bedtime story of the youngest prince who could always kill the parrot in which the devil's soul used to lie. He brought back to life his elder brothers who had become stone statues in the great grand fortress of the devil. He also returned with the sweet princess of another friendly kingdom who was also under the pangs of the same devil. Then he marries the princess. Even though he is the youngest one, he gets the kingdom and then he rules for a long time and lives happily ever after.

This bedtime tale must be having some motive. Probably it is told to fill positivity in a young child, that even though you are so small, you can still be the ultimate winner. In real life too we often see young hard working people overtaking the wits of their adult counterparts and do things that elders never thought they will be able to. 

I and my wife used to go to a sub-urban shop in my locality and the moment we used to see the father sitting on the counter, we used to return back. The reason was that the behaviour of the father was quite rude, while his son was just opposite. Whenever his son used to be there, we always enjoyed buying goods from that shop. 

Age of a person is not a parameter to expect good behaviour from a person. It is not even a precondition to do heroics like killing the devil. Many times experienced people err in their behavioral skills. Positivity, courage, truthfulness are not age related and can easily be acquired at young age itself. 

Dr. Sunil Ji Garg

Determination

If you can take it, you can make it. If you can take unjust criticism and insults without losing your temper, you can make it. If you can make sacrifice and self-denial without complaining, you can make it. “There is one virtue, “wrote George Sand, “the eternal sacrifice of self.” If you can take self-discipline without getting discouraged, you can make it. Ponder these words of William Penn: “No pain, no palm; no thorns, no throne; no gall, no glory; no cross, no crown,” If you can take reverses, adversity and disappointments without giving up, you can make it. 

Pat Seed, a woman in her fifties, was told a few years ago that she had cancer and only six months to live. Instead of resigning herself to her situation, she immediately embarked on a fund-raising campaign to buy for the Christie Hospital Manchester a sophisticated scanner for the early detection of cancer. She worked so hard at this that she scarcely had time to think about anything else, including her own terminal illness. She not only outlived her six months; today, six years later, she has raised more than three million pounds for the life-saving equipment. She has been presented with an MBE by the Queen at Buckingham Palace, and she has been declared entirely free from cancer. Moreover, over 5000 patients have now been scanned by the equipment bought through her fund-raising, and probably many lives saved. She reacted positively to her situation she was able to change it radically. 

All big personalities are dreamers. They see things in the soft of  a  spring day or in the red fire of a long winter’s evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others like Pat Seed  nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true.

Whatever the mind can conceive, dream and determine, it can achieve. 

Scientific Discipline

An approach of scientific discipline for the spiritualism of humanity. 

Krishna in Gita explains about two types of Karma Yoga. One is action without attachment, and another is inaction with a sense of involvement in action. These are the two ways of sannyas and action, and it depends on us, which way we choose for ourselves. Someone can choose doing and yet remain a non-doer, and another can opt for non-doing and yet remain a doer. These are two types of people in the world, and we have to know our own type. This area of analysis needs more clear observation than any, because this makes the basic approach of the scientific discipline for spiritualism. I would like to explain it in a gross way so we can reach the subtlety of the concept. As I see it, a male mind will choose doing and yet remain a non-doer. A female mind will choose non-doing and yet remain a doer. There is the basic difference between two minds- male and female minds. Please don’t mistake it for sex of a person, it is the mind and it is just for our understanding the metaphor is used. While the male mind is active, the feminine mind is passive. If the female has to do something it will do it as if it is not doing. And to contrary a male, even when is inactive, seems to be active and aggressive. 

These are two broad divisions of mind- the male mind and the female mind. It is called broad division because not all men are aggressive nor all women passive. Female mind when in love, does not express the love directly. A male mind on the other hand, will show off the love even in doubt of real love. Remember, I am not talking about a man or woman. I am talking about the male mind and female mind. As for as sannyas is concerned it is one and indivisible, but we can approach it in two ways. But approaching it in different ways should be done with very high awareness or we can get carried away into cycle of Karma. 

If a person of feminine mind- who can be a doer without doing- becomes a sannyasin, he will turn sannyas into inaction. But if a male mind takes sannyas, then action will be his way, and he will/ should know in his depth that he is not a doer, action just happens. The problem happens in two ways, one is the wrong choice and the other is not able to dissociate from the fruits. In male mind, it is the idea of being a doer. If the doer disappears, leaving action free and on its own, then there is no end to its dynamism. The great amount of energy that was spent in being a doer will now be exclusively available to action, making it dynamic and total. Again, if the detachment is total it will work or else it can take us to another ego roller coaster ride, which seems to be the truth in most of us. 

Similarly if a person with feminine mind, if fully accepts his or her inaction, then this inaction will generate in its own way such immense action that we cannot even imagine. Because then his or her whole energy will be together and total. And this summation of energy is explosive. But most of us err on this score. We often choose the opposite or we are attached. And it is not without reasons! 

Wishing you good health and happiness,

Dr. Dwarakanath, Mitran foundation- the stress management people