Man - Woman

After leaving the Jesuits in 1982, my wife and I decided to form a community (Commune) in the USA modeled on the basis of the early Christian community as described in the Acts of the Apostles (chapters 2 and 4). We strived to live a very simple life directed by the spirit. There were about 15 of us – 5 married couples and three women and two men – sharing all our resources, giving what we have and taking what we need. We mostly lived in very poor, run-down, inner-city, black neighborhoods with minimum conveniences in St. Louis, Missouri. We communally owned an 80 acre-farm with a nice farm house on a beautiful river to have solitude and reflection from the hectic life of the St. Louis metropolis. In the city we tried to help the deprived and empower the poor. Equality of sexes and races was a prime concern in the Commune. After about five years of communal experiment, I began to notice the extreme feminism and gradual denigration of men that began to creep in. Some of the women in the Commune became very strident, loud, and even intolerant. They thought of every man taking part in patriarchy and oppressive structures that dominated women. They thought that men, growing up and programmed in a dominant, male chauvinistic culture, could not but dictate terms to women and use their power to control women knowingly or unwittingly. Even I who was a moderate feminist defending the rights of women and being conscientized about the indignities and discriminations that women suffer in a world of men could not change fast enough to suit their pace.

In my commune days I became very aware that the battle of sexes was brewing in the air especially in the West. The women’s liberation movements were afloat. And I thought the next war after the wars of races and castes would be that of genders. Unrest and agony have been widespread in the institution of marriage, the most sacred of relationships between a man and a woman. It is not uncommon to have media reports of spousal violence even to the point of a man killing his wife or a woman killing her husband. Talking of genders, my wife told me that men sometimes do not have a clue to what is going on in the mind of a woman. Half-jokingly she stated further that men do not understand women and women do not understand men. I mused: “Are we then condemned to be united in love?” Looking at me with a puzzling smile,  she said: “I guess so”. While men are trying to understand the feminine make and mystique, women are trying to figure out what clicks for men.

I have no doubt in my mind that both men and women can be violent. Culturally men are more likely to be aggressive and physically violent, while women tend to be passive-aggressive and emotionally violent. Men tend to dominate and intimidate women into subjugation; women enthrall men to slow psychic enslavement. When benign understanding is not there, both cannot live with each other and cannot live without each other. The plain fact is that both need each other. When both complement each other and function as one entity as they are supposed to, the marital bliss is never-ending. Here then both, at least in a fantasy yearning, returns to the mythological state of Hermaphroditus – the fusing of the son of Greek god, Hermes, and love goddess, Aphrodite, with a nymph resulting in one person possessing the physical characteristics of both male and female. For us living in the present dispensation the only fair thing for both men and women is to respect the sexes and give them their human rights so that the war of genders can be avoided. At this moment it is good for a man to do some self-examination: “If I were a woman, would I like to be treated by the way men treat women? Women also can, in empathy, put themselves in the place of men.

Swami (Dr) Snehanand Jyoti

Street Rhymes

A lady was on wheels through the Highway. Suddenly she noticed a man on the side with a card board sign and a dog aside. He seemed scary and was carelessly sitting on the grass. The lady was a sucker for anyone needing help. She pulled her car. She saw the man in the rear view mirror. He was youngish, maybe forty, tattoos all over; he was dirty and had a scraggly beard. He had neatly tucked in the black T-shirt, and his things were in a small, tidy bundle. Nobody was stopping for him. It was so hot out. She could see in the man’s very blue eyes how dejected and tired and worn-out he felt. The sweat was trickling down his face. The scripture suddenly popped into her head. “In as much as ye have done it unto one of the least of these, my brethren, so ye have done it unto me.”

She reached her purse and extracted a ten-dollar bill. Her twelve-year old son, Nick knew right away what she was doing. “Can I take it to him, Mom?” He asked. “Be careful, honey.” She warned and handed him the money. She watched in the mirror as he rushed over to the man, and with a shy smile, handed it to him. I saw the man, startled, stand up and take the money, putting it into his back pocket. “Good,” she thought to herself. “Now he will at least have a hot meal tonight.” She said. 

When Nick got back into the car, he looked at her with sad, pleading eyes. “Mom, his dog looks so hot and the man is really nice.” She knew that she had to do more. “Go back and tell him to stay there, that we will be back in fifteen minutes,” She told Nick. He bounded out of the car and ran to tell the tattooed stranger. The man was surprised, but nodded his agreement. 

She then ran to the nearest store and bought their gifts carefully. They finally settled on their purchases. A bag of “Ol’ Roy”; a flavored chew-toy shaped like a bone; a water dish, bacon flavored snacks (for the dog); two bottles of water (one for the dog, one for Mr. Tattoos); and some people snacks for the man. She rushed back to the spot where they had left him, and there he was, still waiting. She walked towards the man, all four of her children following her, each carrying gifts. She looked into his eyes and saw tears tripping down. He was fighting like a little boy to hold back his tears. How long had it been since someone showed this man kindness? She showed him what they had brought. He stood there, like a child at Christmas, while she felt like her small contributions were so inadequate. He snatched the water dish out of her hands as if it were solid gold and told her that he had had no way to give his dog water. He gingerly set it down, filled it with the bottled water they brought, and stood up to look directly into her eyes. He said, “Ma’am, I don’t know what to say.” She smiled through her tears and said, “Don’t say anything.” She waved cheerfully but fully broke down in tears.

She thought that she has so much; her worries seemed so trivial and petty then. She has a home, a loving husband, four beautiful children. She has a bed. She wondered where he would sleep that night. Her daughter, Brandie turned to her and said in the sweetest little-girl voice, “I feel so good.”  Although it seemed as if they had helped him, the man with the tattoos gave them a gift that she will never forget. He taught that no matter what the outside looks like, inside each of us is a human being deserving of kindness, of compassion, of acceptance.

Joseph Mattappally 

How Do We Recognize Success?

“Success is the progressive realisation of a worthy goal”   Earl Nightingale

For most people, success is the maddening chase toward a better way of life or more of something - more fame, power, recognition, money or material stuff. For some, it is the understanding of a loving partner, the love of their child, or the people that they can count on when the life throws them a curve. Success is  a  journey, not a destination. After we reach one goal, we go to  the next and  the next. It is an experience; outside forces cannot make one feel successful. Success and happiness goes hand in hand. Success is getting what you want and happiness is wanting what you get. True success is measured by the feeling of knowing you have done a job well and have achieved your objective. 

Success is not more material wealth, but peace, happiness, contentment and  love. Real success is not to be sought after in the outer world, but discovered in your inner world. What matters is people, what lasts is love. It is kindness shared, support given and received, listening, giving and caring. The success of life lies in keep moving forward even if it is to  make baby steps.

Success is all about giving your best in whatever you do. Think of Thomas Edison who is reputed to  have  found 10,000 ways how not to  make a light bulb before he succeeded in making one. His success was built upon that knowledge gained from the enthusiastic attempts he made earlier. “It is better to have  tried and failed, than never to have failed at all”, reminds Dave Faber. The key to success is to give a try with confidence, no matter what happens. Every sincere attempt you make determines your success level because success is a matter of the mind. Therefore, be on the track of success by giving your best in every try. All that is necessary to  succeed  is to  start and then do the best of which you are capable. 

A poet said, “The woods would be very silent if the only birds who sang there were the birds who sang the best”. Nothing will happen until you take the first step.

Sr (Dr) Lilly Thokkanattu SJL

Mind, Conscious & Memory (Part III)

I divided the process of remembering into four parts just to make it easier for us to understand. Krishna would never consent to this type of division. In fact remembering, or consciousness, is nowhere fragmented, but an integrated whole. The consciousness and unconsciousness are extensions of the same intelligence which is one and indivisible. In our inner most depth we are aware that we are divine. We do not have to become divine but just have to discover our divinity, a matter of recognition. Upanishad says in prayer “O Sun, please uncover the truth that is covered with gold.” It simply means that the truth/ divinity is veiled and it has to be unveiled. What is it veils it? 

It is our own forgetfulness, our unconsciousness which covers the ultimate reality, the truth. In fact we make do with tiny part of our mind; a major part of it remains unused. It is like we own a big palace but lives in the porch. And we got so used to porch that we have forgotten altogether that we own a large palace that is our mind which is just behind, our conscious mind is nothing more than a porch. It is not that the conscious ever gets disconnected from larger mind, but we never enter and explore it so we get psychologically isolated from it. But deep down we know it is there. Entry into depths of unconscious does not take place in stages, but it always happens in a leap. Of course for the sake of understanding it we discuss it in parts. Those who follow the path of discipline do so piece by piece. Krishna’s path, however, does not accept it. That is why Krishna and also Upanishads repeatedly say it is just a matter of remembering. We are what we are, and it is divine. Nothing has to be added or subtracted. Only a screen of forgetfulness, oblivion, divides us from our real being, our divinity. 

Devotion is the foundation of Krishna’s teaching, and remembering is the basic to devotion. But the devotee has forgotten remembering altogether and instead taken to uninvolved chanting. The Sanskrit word smaran, for remembering has been corrupted. By this corrupted version of chanting we will begin to believe that we are God. This belief will be illusory, because it remains confined to conscious mind while the unconscious mind remains untouched by it. 

Here the question arises, what is the technique? As I see and understand from Krishna’s saying is that remembering comes through relaxation, silence and emptiness. Krishna is clearly says about it in his emphasis on Akarma or inaction. Inaction in depth is his message. We shall see that in our future discussion.  

Wishing you all good Health and Happiness,

Dr. Dwarakanath, Director, Mitran foundation- the stress management people 

Tiger's Dentist

Nature has created a mind-boggling variety of flora and fauna on this earth. At times, one questions the purpose of all this creation but it is our ignorance. The fact is that every creation of Nature has a purpose and whenever any particular creation ceases to have a purpose, it ceases to exist. Perhaps, that is the reason why many ancient species are extinct today while many new ones are appearing. The deeper we study the secrets of Nature, the greater is our appreciation for its beauty and perfect administration. Once we realise that we ourselves are a part of Nature and live in accordance with its laws, our life also becomes harmonious and we enjoy it fully. I had a very interesting experience of such a design of Nature a few years back.

As commissioner of the Lucknow division, I had within my jurisdiction the Dudhwa National Park, which is primarily a tiger sanctuary. On my first visit to the park, I met a Forest Service Officer who was an authority on the wild animals. He knew a lot about tigers also. After reaching Dudhwa in the evening, he gave us company in the rest house and we had a long discussion with him over the evening tea as well as dinner. There were many questions in my mind, which he answered to my full satisfaction. Naturally, all of us were enriched as a result of this interaction and were in a better position to watch the king of all animals, which eventually didn’t appear before us.

During the course of our discussion, the forest officer told us the secret of tiger’s good health. He said that a tiger never eats more than necessary and leaves its prey as soon as his hunger is satiated. He also told us that the tiger goes to sleep for a while after eating. At that time, a question arose in my mind as to how a tiger cleans its teeth. After all, he eats raw meat and it would stick to his teeth. Unless the teeth are cleaned, there is every chance of the meat getting rotten and causing an infection in the mouth. When I asked this question, he felt very happy. Though I was not very serious about the question he gave a very serious reply to it.

He said that there is a dentist for each animal and that the tiger too, has a dentist; a bird. When the tiger goes to sleep after preying, he keeps his mouth open and a particular bird waits for this opportunity. The purpose of the bird is to feed itself with the leftover meat in the tiger’s mouth. In the process of doing so, the bird cleans the teeth of the tiger. In this way, the bird plays the role of a perfect dentist for the tiger and the tiger pays the fee by providing food to the bird. This understanding between the tiger and the bird never goes wrong. 

 Rakesh Mittal I A S

Muslims Enter Mecca

Abbas arrived at Aracca. Abbas informed the Meccans of the strength of the Muslim army and advised them that it would be better for them to surrender without using any force. The conversion of Abu Sufian to Islam did not anyway affect the Muslim army in their preparation to March to Mecca. Abu Sufian commented to Abbas about the wonderful energy of the Muslims and said, “These people did not have any strength before Abu Rassal (that was the pet name of Abu Sufian). “By God, no doubt, the infants of your brother’s son would be very powerful.” Abu Sufian started shouting, “Oh Qureshi, Mohammed is near you with a wonderful army. If anybody enters my house he shall be fearless. People who came inside the house and Al-Masjid al-Ḥarām will have also protection.”  

Mohammed was continuing his march with the army towards Mecca. They reached Duthuva. From there they examined the general atmosphere. Then Mohammed found that the Meccans were not prepared for any confrontation. Mohammed asked the army to stop there. He glorified Goid and expressed gratitude to Him. At that moment, Abu Quhafa, father of Abu Bekker who had not embraced Islam, asked his granddaughter to lead him Abu Quabis. She reached Abu Qubais along with Abu Quahafa who was blind. He realized that the Muslim cavalry was advancing towards Mecca and asked her to take him home immediately. But before he could reach home cavalry entered Mecca and prevented them from making further advance.

Mohammed commanded to divide the army into four. He also commanded not to kill anybody or shed any blood except under very exceptional circumstances. Hubain Bin Awam was to lead the army on the left side. Mohammed also commanded that troop to enter Mecca through the northern side. Khalid Ibn Wahid was entrusted to command the army of the right side. The leadership of the army consisting of the people of Medina were entrusted to Saad Bin Ubada. They were commanded to enter the city through western side. The leader of Mohajids, Abu Ubaida Bin Hadavala was commanded to enter the city through the mountain side. Mohammed also joined with them. As the army moved forward Saad Bin Ubada made a declaration that “Today is the day of war when no valley is attacked.” When Mohammed heard this he took back the flag with him and entrusted the flag to his son Quais who was not a man of emotion like his father.

Justice PK Shamsuddin 

Unity of Humanity – 1

In a world on the path of self-destruction, unity of humanity that goes beyond religions, races, castes, and classes is of at most importance. Religions, races, and nations need to come together and develop a unifying conscience, philosophy, and spirituality for the world. Humanity can only prosper in an atmosphere where everyone’s human rights, equality, and freedom are secured and safeguarded.  We have made considerable strides in race and caste relations. Dogmatic, non-compassionate religions coming from an intolerant, fundamentalist mold and politics without principles that cater to vested and sectarian interests, that fragment society are on the increase. Voices of gender equality are increasingly heard on the horizon across the globe. Gender equality is going to be the major struggle (war) of humanity in the coming decades.

On the one hand we have the plight of a six-year old daughter in Kabul, Afghanistan, as the painful payment of a debt of $2,500 incurred by the family for hospital treatment (Painful payment for Afghan debt: A daughter, aged 6: New York Times News Sevice, April 1, 2013). The girl, Naghma, will be forced to leave her home forever to be married to the lender’s 17-year old son. A smiling, slender child, oblivious of everything happening around her is being sold. On the other hand, in the front page of Malayala Manorama, April 2, 2013 we have the rich and famous but sad saga of a couple with two children -  Ganesh (a minster in the Kerala state government) and Yamini (a physician) -  mired in civil and criminal charges and counter-charges. Sad and tragic as it is, this couple’s story is going to throw spot-light on the physical and mental abuse that mostly women (but also some men) in Kerala suffer. Interestingly, according to the United Nations Human Development Index, India having a rank of 136 out of 186 countries studied has one of the worst gender-equality records (UN, TNN, March 15, 2013). India is South Asia’s worst performing country after Afghanistan with regard to gender equality.  Harmonious development of all can occur only when everyone is given one’s due.   

Major impediments to the unity of humanity have been broached at length elsewhere. Here I am going to examine some minor discriminations that are there but often go unnoticed.

Stereotyping:

Stereotyping is a firm impression or mental picture formed due to a prejudiced attitude about a certain ethnic or racial group or caste or class, and this impression or judgment is uncritically attributed to the members of that group time and again. This group may often be identified by a slang derogative name. Here I am going to illustrate a possible stereotyping. When my wife and I were leaving St. Louis International airport in the USA for India a few years ago, l tendered our passports and tickets to the lady at the air-line counter. The lady did not even bother to look at me, and started talking to my wife, who, a Caucasian, looked very American. I guess she thought I did not know enough English. Wearing a kurtha (a loose-fitting long Indian style shirt) and a knit cap with stars and a long white beard, I could pass for a middle-easterner who might not speak English. Yet there I was who taught Master’s level psychology courses in Lindenwood University in St. Charles, Missouri, and who on occasions corrected the English of even Master’s level teachers in the special school out-patient treatment program I directed in Hawthorn Chirdren Psychiatric Hospital for children in St. Louis. I can narrate many such instances of intended or unintended discriminations or disregards. A stereotype generally has a cognitive component (thought) that leads to prejudice as an affective component (feeling) that ends up in discrimination as the behavioral component (action). Racial, caste, ethnic, sexual, and gender remarks and jokes and demeaning stereotypical proverbs are the worst stereotypes that a conscientious and aware person needs to avoid at any cost. A good criterion:  avoid a joke if one would feel hurt if he or she were the butt of that joke. It is important to use language carefully, judiciously, and wisely.

Swami (Dr) Swami Snehanand Jyoti